Planes Jokes / Recent Jokes
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.""No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"
Top honors for "Human Projectile of the Month" go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual "Darwin Award". That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what they "pieced" together: JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve "Jet Assisted Take Off", typically lifting big transport planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers. They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of more...
It was a "No Frills" airline:
They didn't sell tickets, they sold chances
All the insurance machines in the terminal were sold out
Before the flight, the passengers got together and elected a pilot
If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back
You could not board the plane unless you had the exact change
Before we took off, the stewardess told us to fasten our Velcro
The Captain asked all the passengers to chip in a little for gas
When they pulled the steps away, the plane started rocking
The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway
You ask the Captain how often their planes crash. He sez, "Just once"
No movie. Didn't need one. Your life kept flashing before your eyes
You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.
In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.
Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.
His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.
He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles."
"No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"
When the Indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from Russia to explain the Indidan Air Force & Army the simplictiy of the operation of the planes (from Russia because India buys their planes from Russia).
So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the Indian Army " this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left_inner is to go left_inner and the one on the right is to go right."
The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked " But sir, how will we get down?"
The instuctor replied "Oh! Leave that to the Pakistanis".
When the indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from russia to explain the indian air force & army the simplictiy of the operation of the planes (from russia because india buys their planes from russia)
So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the indian army ” this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left is to go left and the one on the right is to go right. ”
The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked ” but sir, how will we get down? ”
The instuctor replied “oh! Leave that to the pakistanis”
A little boy is adopted from Korea and is flown to the USA to meet his new parents. A few years later the parents decide to adopt again on the way to the airport the little boy sees planes coming in to land. He says to his mother, "Look at all the babies being born."
(he thinks all babies come on air planes Ha Ha)