Plan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Managed Friendship Plan
Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about
friends and relationships. The Managed Friendship Plan (MFP) combines
all the advantages of a traditional friendship network with important
cost-saving features.
How Does It Work?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened
accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your friendship needs are
met by members of your Managed Friendship Staff.
What's Wrong with my Current Friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship services from
a network of providers haphazardly patched together from your old
neighborhoods, jobs, and schools. The result is often costly
duplication, inefficiency, and conflict. Many of your current friends
may not meet national standards, responding to your needs with
inappropriate, outmoded, or even experimental acts of friendship.
Under Managed Friendship, your friendship more...

Work..

 
I don't get anything done on Mondays because I'm so depressed about being back at work after a fun filled weekend.
And I never get any work done on Fridays because I'm so excited about planning another fun weekend.
So, my plan is to shorten the work week to just Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday since those are the only days when I get any work done.
Of course then I wouldn't get anything done on Tuesday or Thursday for the same reason I didn't work on Monday and Friday.
So we might as well shorten the work week to just one day, Wednesday.
Then Wednesday would be awful because it would be the only day I had to work.
So if I worked twice as hard on Wednesday, then I could take the next Wednesday off and have a thirteen day weekend.
The only trouble with that is that it would be hard to remember which Wednesday I was supposed to work and which Wednesday I could take off.
So let's just keep it simple. I might as well take more...

Q. What does A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre- A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and more...

Managed Friendship PlanWelcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about friends and relationships. The Managed Friendship Plan (MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship network with important cost-saving features.How Does It Work? Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship Staff.What's Wrong with my Current Friends? If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship services from a network of providers haphazardly patched together from your old neighborhoods, jobs, and schools. The result is often costly duplication, inefficiency, and conflict. Many of your current friends may not meet national standards, responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded, or even experimental acts of friendship. Under Managed Friendship, your friendship needs are coordinated by your designated Best Friend, who will more...

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school to talk about the world. After hertalk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Billy," the lad replies.
"And what is your question, Billy?" asks the Senator.
I actually have three questions. First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second -why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry," replies the boy.
"And what is your question?" she asks.
"I more...

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde more...

A guy comes home from work and sees a gorilla on his roof. so he calls up animal control and says look im not crazy but i came home and theres a gorilla on my roof. the lady says ok thats the gorilla that escaped from the zoo this morning we will have a guy there in 5 minutes so 5 minutes later a guy pulls up in a huge flatbed truck with a cage a dog and a shotgun so the guy says i know its none of my buisness but how do you plan on getting that gorilla off my roof? and the animal control guy says i plan to climb up there and throw the gorilla off the roof and when i do this dog is trained to grab the object by the testicals to sudate him then i will stick him in the truck and go. the home owner says wow thats really smart but... whats the shotgun for? and he says now if by chance i go up there and the gorilla throws me off i want u to shoot the dog.