Pile Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Swiller was known far and wide as a hard-nosed boss who watched his employees like a hawk. He was making one of his regular tours of the factory when he spotted a young man leaning against a pile of boxes just outside the foreman's office. Since George, the foreman, wasn't around, Swiller stood off to the side and watched to see just how long the young man would stand around doing nothing.

The young man yawned, scratched his head, looked at his watch, and sat on the floor. He took out a nail file and began cleaning his nails. Then he stretched, yawned again, and leaned back on the pile of boxes.

Swiller stepped from his hiding place and walked up to the young man. "You!" he boomed. "How much do you make a week?"

The young man looked up indifferently. "Two hundred and fifty dollars," he said.

Swiller swooped into the cashier's office, took $250 from the cash box, and returned. "Take it," he said, more...

10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
8. more...

The little white-haired spinster was rocking on her front porch with her tomcat at her feet when a good fairy suddenly appeared and offered her three wishes.
"Aw, go on," the little old lady said disbelievingly. "If you can grant wishes, let's see you turn this rocking chair into a pile of gold."
A wave of the good fairy's wand and the spinster found herself atop a pile of pure gold. Her face lighting up, she asked: "I get two more wishes?"
"Yes," the good fairy assured her. "Anything your heart desires."
"Then make me into a beautiful, voluptuous young girl," she ordered. Another wave of the wand and her wish was granted.
"Now," she said, "make my faithful old cat into a tall, dark and handsome young man."
The good fairy waved her wand and disappeared as the third wish came true and a muscular swain stood where the tomcat had just been sleeping.
The young man approached more...

The Supply Guy An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy. "You`re in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You`re in charge of shoveling," and to the Chinese guy, "And you`re in charge of supplies." "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn`t you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I didn`t have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn`t find him." So then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn`t shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn`t get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn`t find him." The foreman is really upset more...

Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.
"Is that shit, Banta?" Santa said.
"I don`t really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like shit."
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like shit!"
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it`s definitely shit."
"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn’t step in it!"

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You`re in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You`re in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You`re in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn`t you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left more...

A true urban legend:
A husband of a friend (yes, I know it sounds like one of THOSE sort of stories) went to a local bank to make a withdrawal. Its one of those banks where you take a form, fill it in and stand in line.
While waiting in line, he casually flipped the withdrawal form over and noticed that someone had written on the back of it "I HAVE A GUN: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY". Not wanting to lose his place in the queue, he waited till he got to the teller and said "Look, some idiot has written on the back of this form".
The teller, not listening, saw the writing and hit the panic button. Alarms rang, cops appeared, the guy was cuffed and taken to a back room and interviewed for a few hours.
At 10'o'clock at night, his wife finally found out where he was (he went to the bank at mid-day) and he was released only after several well-respected friends testified as to his character.
But before he left the cops checked the pile of withdrawal slips more...