Physician Jokes / Recent Jokes
This fellow had been suffering from excruciating headaches for some time, and finally went to a doctor. After a thorough exam, the physician called the fellow into his office and said, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what is causing your headaches, but we've found a cure for them: you'll have to be castrated."The man, needless to say, was taken aback, and told his doctor that he believed he would try to bear the pain. But as time went on, the headaches only got worse, and finally, the poor fellow was driven back to the doctor."All right, I guess I'll have the operation," he said.When it was all over, the man was understandably depressed, and his physician told him, "I recommend you begin life anew. Start over from this point."So the man decided to take the advice and went to a men's shop for a new set of clothes. The proprietor said, "Starting with the suit, looks like you take about a 38-regular.""That's right," exclaimed the man, more...
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the thief go first, and the executioner follow."
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.
The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession. ”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine. ”
Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes, ” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion? ”
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got? ” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.
The man then said, “Call for my lawyer. ” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied “Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I’d check out the same way. ”
One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around hispenis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctorsays, "I cant figure out what it is. So I'll give you some medicine, and if it doesn't work, come back. Ill give yousomething else." So clinton takes the perscription and takes the pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescriptionhe gives him a small tube-like capsule. The doctor says,"Rub this around the offending circle and come back tomorrow. Clinton returns the next day and starts shouting, "Wow! That stuff wasterriffic doc! What was thast concoction? It worked great!"The docter then calmly replied; Lipstick remover. Sent by Bradley