Phrase Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house - only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers - and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while more...

10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters

9. Instead of "friends of the bride or friends of the groom," ushers ask "Ford or Chevy?"

8. Bridesmaids -- pink tube tops; bridegrooms -- Travis Tritt T-shirts

7. Phrase "I do" replaced by "I heard that"

6. Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" performed by Pinkard & Bowden

5. When minister asks "who giveth this woman to be married," some guy in the back stands up and hollers, "Earnhardt!"

4. Reception conversation includes the phrase, "So what have you been doing since' Hee Haw,' Mr. Lindsay?"

3. Snack trays at reception: Vienna sausages and nacho cheese Doritos

2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the "Monster Truck Show"

1. Sign in front of the church: No shirt... No shoes... No problem

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

8. All our best heroes are losers.

9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too more...

The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him"):
1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet been terminated.
Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a chance to get anywhere.
2. INDEMNIFICATION OF FRIENDS: Both parties agree to hold the person who arranged the liaison (colloquially referred more...

An anagram is, if you don't know, a word or phrase made by transposing or
rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are
exceptionally clever!
Dormitory = Dirty room
Evangelist = Evil's agent
Desperation = A rope ends it
The Morse Code = Here come dots
Slot machines = Cash lost in 'em
Animosity = is no amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze alarms = Alas! No more Z's
Alec Guinness = Genuine class
Semolina = is no meal
The Public Art Galleries = Large picture halls, I bet
A decimal point = I'm a dot in place
The earthquakes = That queer shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it
Princess Diana = Ascend in Paris
This one's truly amazing:
"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to
suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."
And the anagram:
"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of more...

An anagram, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following examples are quite astounding!
Dormitory - Dirty Room
Desperation - A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code - Here Come Dots
Slot Machines - Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity - Is No Amity
Mother-in-law - Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms - Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness - Genuine Class
Semolina - Is No Meal
A Decimal Point - I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes - That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two - Twelve plus one
Contradiction - Accord not in it
The Public Art Galleries - Large Picture Halls, I Bet
Astronomer - Moon Starer
This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Becomes:
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two more...

If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked more...