Pheasant Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the current film, Titanic, the character Rose is shown giving the
finger to Jack (another character).Many people who have seen the film,
question whether "giving the finger" was done around the time of the
Titanic disaster, or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant
seventh-grader. According to research, here's the true story:
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw
the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the
future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and
the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck
yew").
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
began mocking the French by waved their middle more...

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant,' but I haven't got the energy'.
' Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.' They're packed with nutrients'.
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on.
Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree.

The Moral of the Story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree", sighed the pheasant, "but I haven"t got the energy". Well, why don"t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They"re packed with nutrients". The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch and so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won"t keep you there.

(The story below is of my own telling; it is based upon a true
story told me by my uncle, but I have invented the name "Howard,"
inserted some opinions about "hunting shows," and changed the course
of events slightly.)
My uncle told me about one of his friends, Howard, who was hired to
participate in one of those "Saturday Sportsman" shows. His job was
to hide in the bushes, holding a pheasant, and release it at the
appropriate moment, so that it could be promptly shot down for the
pleasure of the viewing audience.
Howard's first brush with Hollywood was very exciting. Granted, no one
would ever see him, his name wouldn't be in the credits, but, at least it
was "Show Business!" Provided with a pheasant, and installed in a certain
stand of corn stalks, Howard waited for his cue to hurl the bird into
the air.
You, the viewer, don't see Howard, of course. You do see two more...