Performance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Valentine's Day is coming up, and some of you may have
difficulty in composing a properly passionate Valentine's Day
Greeting to your sweet-patootie. Here is a suggested form:
Date:(enter appropriate date here like February 14 or 13)
To:(enter appropriate name here
CAUTION: don't put more than one per memo, and be careful to send to correct person)
From:(enter your name or pet-name
CAUTION: use the right pet-name...)
Subject:Valentine
It has been brought to my attention that I would be remiss in
my duties were I not to comment upon your performance as
Executive Valentine. Your performance in this capacity during
the past fiscal year has been more than adequate - nay,
commendable.
Further, let me advise you that my Passionate Regard for you
remains unchanged since my previous statements upon this subject
and may be assumed to remain unchanged unless you receive
specific contrary notification in writing.
Please do more...

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both Teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's Management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, more...

On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance.
"Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous."
"Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees."
So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!

On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance."Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous.""Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees."So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, " Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal." " A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, " Don't you mean a performance?" " No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes".

Hollywood, CA - Road-comedian Billy Spado, 43, raised the standup comedy bar to staggering new heights on Tuesday at Hollywood's own The Comedy Store with brilliantly hilarious cracks about the US-Mexican border, as well as Britney Spears recent performance at the VMA awards show. Spado's unique style of observational humor left the 90-person audience breathless from laughter.

"Bush should build a wall along the Mexican border to keep out illegal immigrants. And you know who's gonna build that wall? The illegal Mexican immigrants, that's who!" Spado exclaimed to a cheering crowd.

Spado's crack about Spears' VMA performance was a stunningly brilliant sight gag that we can't really put into words, but trust us, it absolutely slaughtered the crowd.

Spado will be here all week.

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE? Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The "Continuous Improvement Team" was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many more...