Pearly Jokes

Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly gates,
where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard. "Name," says St.
Peter.
"Margaret Thatcher," she replies.
St. Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the name
of the former British leader. "I am sorry," he says, "you cannot come in. Your
place is downstairs, in Hell. Mrs. Thatcher turns and walks down the stairs.
A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers, and a voice says, "Hello
Peter, it is the Devil speaking. You will have to take that bloody woman after
all - she is only been here for ten minutes and she has closed half the furnaces
to reduce capacity."

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
A clergyman at the Pearly Gates "A Builder, a clergyman and a politician sttod outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for admission.
"I'm sorry, gentlement," Saint Peter said, "but the gates are broken."
The builder took a look at the gate, then offered to repair them for ten dollars.
"Why ten dollars?" Saint Peter asked.
"Five dollars for my labor, five dollars for the material," the builder explained.
"What about you" Saint Peter asked the Clergyman. "Can you fix them?"
"Yes, for thirty dollars. Ten for the orphans' fund, ten for the church's building fund, and ten for the poor box."
"And you, can you fix them?" Saint Peter asked the politician.
"Of course," the politician replied. "But I'll need $110."
"A hundred ten more...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who`s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I`m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it`s the minister`s turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this more...

An Australian joke... St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's stroll up." Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says. In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and Godtells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off. St Peter takes his leave. 5 minutes later St Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone"God says "the Abo's? Good". and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!".

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty people from New York City showed up. Never having seen anyone from the Big Apple at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous people from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone!" "What? All of the New Yorkers are gone?" asked God. "No!" replied Saint Peter. "The Pearly Gates!"