Party Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.
At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man, "said the politician,
"Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"
"Neither," said the child, "she`s in the bathroom."

A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problemof one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and Icould not help interrupting. "Why not?" said I. "Let her marry a Gentile boy. I'm all in favor ofJewish girls marrying Gentile boys." "Why?" chorused the women. And I said, "Because why should the Jewish boys have all the badluck?"

Form Feed Insurance form question and answer about a recent accident: Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have traveled by bus. A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows: Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo

At the office Christmas party,
I started out with a Bacardi.
I didn't get soused,
But, right now, I'm lost!
It's Christmas and I wonder where I am!
I had a beer at my brother's,
Had egg nog at my mother's,
Then two bottles of wine.
Which automobile's mine?
It's Christmas and I wonder where I am!
Someone caught me dancing with a snowman.
Policemen came and put me in their car.
They asked,' Are you drunk?' And I said,' No, man,
But could you drop me off at the next bar?'
I guess my wife must be missing;
Who's this dog that I kissing?
They say his name's' Spot',
And he likes me... a lot!!
It's Christmas and I wonder where I am!
I was looking for a lady I could dance with,
And so I stood beneath the mistletoes.
Someone said,' You'd have a better chance if
You take the lamp shade off and put back on your clothes'!
Well it's time to be going.
I'm naked! Is it still more...

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

There was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "You see, it is vanishing cream!"

There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war". The first person comes up onto the stage and says, "I'm an atomic bomb." He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, "I'm a hydrogen bomb." Again, there's applause and he steps down. And then a naked little man comes up to the stage and says, "I'm dynamite." Everybody runs away hysterically. When one of them is asked why, he says, "Didn't you see how small his fuse was?"

This is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you misfit readers for Christmas and your New Year's resolutions: You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).
You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).
You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).
You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).
You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you more...