Party Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one, ” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD. ” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least I’ll get to a toilet! ”
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once…. No answer. He rings it again….. Still no answer. So, he thinks, ”This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard. ” So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he’d just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can’t find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened more...
After the annual office party blowout, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management, and insulted the Regional Director General to his face."
"He's an asshole. I should have pissed on him."
"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well, SCREW HIM!!" yelled John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)
2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)
3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy. If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.)
5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction).
6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.
7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for more...
A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"Sent by Chris
Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, Whats the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you wont be empty-handed, will you!
The Eastern European art of the political joke is in abeyance
in Poland right now, because what previously had to be veiled
can be, and is, said out loud. However, in the GDR and in Romania
freedom of speech hasn't broken ground yet.
A young member of the German communist party went to his senior comrade
with a strange request: he wanted permission from the Party to emigrate
to West Germany. (It is only with the permission of the Party that
people are allowed to leave East Germany. Often it is ''granted'' as
a method of eliminating people with inappropriate attitudes.)
''For what reasons could you possibly want to leave the Socialist
paradise, young comrade?''
''Well, sir, I have a main reason, and
a kind of side reason. The side reason is this: I know our Party
has established a paradise here in the Democratic Republic, but the
reason I want to leave is that I am very afraid that is will not last.''
''Don't worry, son! It more...
WASHINGTON, DC
California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week -- and it's not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today.
"When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad," noted the party's Director of Communications, Bill Winter. "That's why, on the issue of Caesar salad, we Libertarians have always been pro-legalization."
Selling Caesar salad became a crime last year when California legislators passed a new health law banning the sale of food that used raw eggs as an ingredient. Unexpectedly, the law included Caesar salad, which uses uncooked eggs in its unique dressing.
Restaurant owners and fans of the popular salad were outraged. The outcry convinced state legislators to file a new bill to cancel the criminal status of Caesar salad -- and, presumably, end what might have become a flourishing black market in contraband romaine lettuce, raw eggs, and Parmesan cheese.
The bill, signed into law by more...