Pants Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends
$5, 000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home
he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to
the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you
think I am?" "About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order
taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".
"I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same
question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is
going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a
mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes
I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man more...
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting."Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor."Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I want the traditional service."
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are more...
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their
wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a
traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate
route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his
pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into
the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I
would prefer the traditional service."
A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
You are unwise to lower your pants.
We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants?
Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
Luke... Help me take... these pants more...