PMS Jokes / Recent Jokes
If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days. d) All of the above.
Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)1. Elementary map reading2. Crying and law enforcement3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast. 6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it." )7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")13. How to earn your own money14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry17. Yes, you can fill up more...
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
3. You're counting down the days until menopause.
2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Why do women call it PMS?Because mad cow disease was already taken!
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.5. The Female is never wrong.6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.8. The Female can change her mind at any time.9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.14. At all times, what is important is what the more...
Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO more...
Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.