Out Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The trucks driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her whats so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, "When you werent looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Part 9 - (The Future of Real Programmers) - the final part
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What of future? It is a matter of some concern to Real Programmers that the latest generation of
computer programmers are not being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders. Many of
them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly anyone graduating from school these days
can do hex arithmetic without a calculator. College graduates these days are soft - protected from the
realities of programming by source level debuggers, text editors that count parentheses, and "user friendly"
opearing systems. Worst of all, some of these alleged "computer scientists" manage to get degrees without
ever learning FORTRAN! Are we destined to become an industry of Unix hackers and PASCAL
programmers?
From my experience, I can only report that the furure is bright for Real Programmers everywhere. more...
A man walks into a bar with his dog and goes up to the bartender and says, " I bet you $50 that my dog can talk!"
The bartender laughing at the man says, "Okay, you're on pal!"
So the man asks his dog, "What is on top of a house?" and the dog replies back "Woof" The man satisfied with the dog's answer says, "There my dog talked!"
The bartender then says " No he didn't he just barked! You owe me $50!" The man gives the bartender his $50 and storms out of the bar.
The next day, the man comes back with the same dog and says to the bartender, "Okay now I bet you $100 that my dog can talk!"
The bartender laughs at him again and says " Okay you're on!"
The man then asks his dog, " Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"
And the dog replies "Woof!"
The man shouts at the bartender "There my dog more...
Q.Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory? A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
A cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over.
The wife was sobbing uncontrollably.
“Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said.” We’re not hurt.”
Mary continued to cry. “I’m not scared,” she said between sobs. “I’m happy… this is the first time in 14 years we’ve been out together.”
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don`t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it`s aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it`s the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. more...