Ounce Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
“How much does it cost for engineer brain? ”
“Three dollars an ounce. ”
“How much does it cost for programmer brain? ”
“Four dollars an ounce. ”
“How much for lawyer brain? ”
“$1, 000 an ounce. ”
“Why is lawyer brain so much more? ”
“Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain? ”

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains."How much does it cost for engineer brain?""Three dollars an ounce.""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""Four dollars an ounce.""How much for lawyer brain?""$1, 000 an ounce.""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

Why do drummers have half an ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
"How much for Engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman and says,"Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her floor and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts - and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."

It was Christmas Eve and Ron had still not bought anything for his
for Christmas. So, on his way home, he stopped at that famous department store, Nacy's.
I'll just get her some nice perfume, he thought, as he entered the store. Walking up to the perfume counter, Ron said, "I'm looking for a nice perfume for my wife for Christmas."
The cosmetics clerk said, "Certainly, we have several very fine perfumes. And she proceeded to show him a bottle of "Elegance, $75 an ounce.
"That's a bit out of my price range, Ron said.
The clerk returned a moment later with another perfume, "Leave Him Wondering, for only $35 an ounce.
"That's still quite a lot, he grumbled.
So the clerk brought out a bottle of "Smells Like Heaven, only $20 an ounce.
At this, Ron grew a bit angry. "Geez, he exclaimed, "Can't you show me something real cheap?"
In response, the clerk handed him a mirror.