Oriental Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was walking down the street and noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an obviously Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.
"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.
The Oriental explained in very broken English that when he landed in America he was standing in the immigration line behind a German.
When asked his name, the German replied, "Hans Schmidt." When the immigration official asked the Oriental his name, he replied, "SAM TING."
Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run 1. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. 2. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season. 3. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath. For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing. For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain; apply more...
For cat people everwhere - Enjoy :-)
Rules for cats who have a house to run
I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.
IV. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay more...
An oriental guy had just seen some western porn movies, a first in his lifetime. He felt so cool about those positions. So he ran home and wanted to share those ideas with his wife. He adjusted all the lamps, putting all kind of creams, and twisted his wife around. And he repeatedly asked "feel great, feel great...?" The wife was completely lost. She saw how disappointed he was and asked him, "What's wrong?" He answered that all western girls must moan in bed during intercourse. The wife said, if so... do give her the second chance. At the half of the second round, the wife started to shout: bed, bed, bed.....
.. Then there's the cookbook published by Life
Magazine. It contains all the
oriental recipes ever published by their magazine.
It's called:
Recipes From All Woks of Life
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around, does he become
disoriented?