Oral Jokes / Recent Jokes

AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 beer 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping DRUG 17 pot 25 pot & alcohol 35 alcohol 48 power 66 scotch, a limousine, the company jet DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "tongue" 25 "breakfast" 35 "I didn't bump into her kids." 48 "She didn't set back my therapy." 66 "Got home alive." FAVORITE FEMALE PART 17 "All" 25 "Breasts" 35 "Breasts" 48 "Breasts" 66 "Small butt in a thong" FAVORITE ACT 17 "Anything we can get" 25 "Missionary" 35 "Oral" 48 "Oral" 66 "Oral" FAVORITE PLACE 17 "Any place" 25 "His bedroom" 35 "Any place her kids aren't" 48 more...

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight,' cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...

Source: Passed to me by a colleague at the University of Idaho
Did you hear the one about the day Oral Roberts, Jerry Falwell and Robert
Schuler were driving to a big "tent meeting" together? Unfortunately,
they were involved in a terrible accident and all three were killed.
As you might expect they all ascended into heaven and came to standing in
front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted them and welcomed them to
heaven. Then he started to hem and haw around and finally explained that
they hadn't any advance notice of this situation and so weren't quite
prepared for three so illustrious and holy men. He explained how all
three of them qualified for the very finest accommodations heaven had to
offer including very large and splendid mansions, but they weren't quite
ready so would they mind waiting a few days?
They replied that they wouldn't mind waiting, but were they just going
to have to stand there for several days? more...

A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the more...

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late.

One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up.

His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late."Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight,' cause my mother is sleeping in our more...

Q: What's the most important room in the White House?
A: The Oral Office
Q: How do you get a job in the White House?
A: You have to pass an oral test.