Opposite Jokes / Recent Jokes
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
There are TWO teams, with eleven players each (instead of nine as in baseball).
Instead of four bases, there are only two; in the middle of the field, sixty-six feet apart... all running is between the two bases... the ball can be hit in front, OR behind... or, in ANY direction.
Instead of rotating batting for nine innings each, EACH team does all its batting in a SINGLE inning.
The team scoring more runs wins the game.
[NOTE: Unlike baseball, where a pitcher rests every 10 or so pitches when the BATTING rotates, cricket pitchers rest every 6 pitches as their PITCHING rotates.]
The fielding team works with TWO pitchers at the same time.
The first pitcher throws from one base to the other. After six throws, the catcher moves around behind the first pitcher's base, pitcher #2 takes over. He makes six throws in the opposite direction (i. e. towards the starting pitcher's base). The two pitchers keep more...
A man walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks' What's up?'
The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to Rome.
'ROME?!' Joe says,' Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?'
'We're taking TWA,' the man replies.
'TWA?!' yells Joe.' They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where you staying in Rome?'
The man says' We'll be at the downtown International Marriot.'
'That DUMP?!' says Joe.' That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?'
The man says' We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.'
'HA! That's rich!' laughs Joe.' You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll more...
What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.
What's the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
Comepalakrishnan.
How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready.... Steady..... PO
What do you call a really colourful Tamilian?
Rangamannar Rangarajan.
How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl?
Ivan Lendl (Ivan =' he' in Tamil).
What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won't it stand?)
What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?
Subramanium Didn't See Me.
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds children.
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.
Fill what is empty; empty what is full; scratch where it itches.
For every “10? there are 10 “1’s”.
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.