Operation Jokes / Recent Jokes
A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it.The operation went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to the letter with the following:1 Screw: $1.00Knowing how to put it in: $4,999Total: $5,000The business man never argued.
A middle age woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operation table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43years, 2 months and 8 days to live.
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone to come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She got out of the hospital, after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
A woman goes to her doctor and said she wanted and operation done because her vagina lips were much too large.
She then asked the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she didn't want anyone to find out, so the doctor agreed.
She woke up from her operation only to find three roses carefully placed beside her in bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor. She said to him, I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!.
The doctor told her he did not and not to worry. He then continued... The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.
The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation and she had the operation done herself."
Just then the girl asked about the third rose.
The doctor said: "Oh, that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept. Gates: At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month. Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2010 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips. Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap. Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A. P.. Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave more...
Oprectomy KENMORE HOSPITAL 61 COMMONWEALTH AVE. BOSTON, MA. 02115 DATE: ____________NAME: ADDRESS: Please be advised that your Oprectomy operation is scheduled for_______________, at ___________(a. m.)(p. m.). The purpose of thisextremely delicate operation is to sever the cord that connectsyour eyes to your rectum and hopefully get rid of your shittyoutlook on life. Sincerely, J. Grabber, M. D. Kenmore Hospital
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!""Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself.""Who is the third rose from?" she asked"Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit...He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life! " she announces to the surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don't want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like that of an 18 year old." The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation. "But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows about this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!" "I swear Liz" the surgeon replies. The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text book perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining consciousness, Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at the foot of her bed. As the surgeon enters the room to more...