Operate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four surgeons are having a coffee after performing surgery.
"I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered."
says the first.
"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon.
"When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered."
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are colour coded."
The fourth one said, ""I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable"

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
4. There may be 50 ways to leave more...

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside them is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest," said the second. "When you open them up, all their organs are arranged alphabetically." The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. Their organs are color-coded." "You're all wrong," said, the fourth. "Lawyers are easiest. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

Real stories from Flight Attendants apologizing for rough transport on the airlines...
From a disgruntled Southwest Airlines employee....
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
United Airlines FA: more...

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".
"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable."

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered". "I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered". The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded". The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable."