Old Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Young Man Asked An Old Rich Man How He Made His Money.
The Old Guy Fingered His Worste Wool Vest And Said, "Well, Son, It Was 1932. The Depth Of The Great Depression. I Was Down To My Last Nickel. I Invested That Nickel In An Apple. I Spent The Entire Day Polishing The Apple And, At The End Of The Day, I Sold The Apple For Ten Cents. The Next Morning, I Invested Those Ten Cents In Two Apples. I Spent The Entire Day Polishing Them And Sold Them At 5: 00 Pm For 20 Cents. I Continued This System For A Month, By The End Of Which I'd Accumulated A Fortune Of $1. 37. Then My Wife's Father Died And Left Us Two Million Dollars."
Three children pass a lit, open window and look in.
"Look, look," says the 4 year old, "there is a couple in bed there and they are wrestling."
"No, no," says the 5 year old, "they are making love."
And the 6 year old chimes in: "And badly."
On the boy's 14th birthday, he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 14 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "No, Dad."
Dad replied, "Then you can't drive my Ferrari"
When the boy was 16 he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 16 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "No, not yet, Dad."
Dad said "Then you can't drive my Ferrari"
On the boy's 21st birthday, he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 21 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "Yes Dad, my dick is now long enough to reach my arse".
Dad said "Then go and screw yourself, but you can't drive my Ferrari"
CHEMISTRY RHYMES
Old Man Stokes
Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine
Who lived beside the Raleigh line;
Old anti-Stokes, his existance denied,
Lived never-the-less on the other side.
A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
As you shall make your bed so shall you.......... mess it up. Better be safe than...................... punch a 5th grader. Strike while the. ............................. bug is close. It's always darkest before............ daylight savings time. You can lead a horse to water but....................... how? Don't bite the hand that........................ looks dirty. A miss is as good as a................................... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new......................... math. If you lie down with the dogs, you'll.. stink in the morning. The pen is mightier than the........................... pigs. An idle mind is....................... the best way to relax. Where there's smoke, there's...................... pollution. Happy the bride who................... gets all the presents. A penny saved more...
Yo Mama so old...
She left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
She still owes Moses a dollar.
When she was at school... there was No history class!
She uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
She's got the first autographed Koran.
She co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
When I asked for Her ID yo mama handed me a rock
She even made Yoda jealous.
She recalls When the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
The fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
When She gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
Her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
Her birthday expired.
When Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo mama fishing on the other side!
She got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Her social security number is 000-000-001
She's got more...