Official Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people-many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women-ooops, "women and men"-we
    present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."
    Following are their accounts...
    Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
    South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the more...

    Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained."We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What
    about the more...

    Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany.
    He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.
    When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth.
    So Moisha explained: "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."
    The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"
    Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.
    The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of more...

    Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."
    "What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
    "Quattro means four" replies the Italian official.
    "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retort disbelievingly.
    "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
    "You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent.
    "Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".
    The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
    "Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy with 2 guys in a Uno."

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the'k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal more...

  • Recent Activity