Octopus Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender “give us two beers over here! ”
The bartender walks over and see’s the octopus and he says, “Didn’t you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed! ”
The man say’s to the bartender, “oh but you don’t understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have. ”
The bartender replied back, “well I’ll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night! ”
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He’s so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, “alright lets try one more”.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes more...
A guy walks into a bar carrying a very talented octopus. He says as much to the patrons of the bar, and bets $500 that the octopus can play any musical instrument that the guys can produce.
One guy accepts. He lays $500 on the bar, says, "Here's $500 that he can't play my trumpet." So he goes home and gets his trumpet. The octopus looks at it, scratches its head, turns it over, then starts to play, the most beautiful sound anyone has ever heard from a trumpet. The owner pockets his new $500.
Another guy says "Here's $500 that he can't play my clarinet." So he produces the instrument, and the octopus looks at it, turns it over, then starts to play, the most beautiful sound anyone has ever heard from a clarinet. The owner pockets his $500.
Another guy says, "Here's $500 that he can't play my bagpipes." So he get his pipes, and the octopus looks at them, puzzled, then looks at them some more. He does so for about 5 minutes, more...
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row.
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles!