Noah Jokes / Recent Jokes
All I really need to know about Life, I learned from Noah's Ark:
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Don't forget we're all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead-it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
4. Stay fit-when you're 600 years old someone might ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.
6. For safety's sake travel in pairs.
7. Two heads are better than one.
8. Build your future on high ground.
9. Speed isn't always an advantage, after all, the snails were on the same ark with the cheetahs.
10. When you're stressed, float awhile.
11. Remember the ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic was built by professionals.
12. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than the storm outside.
13. No matter what the storm, when God is with you, there's a rainbow waiting.
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long,
fifty wide and thirty high."
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."
Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction more...
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah."Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had more...
And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.''
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
''Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
''Six months, and it starts to rain,'' thundered the Lord. ''You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.''
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
''Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?'' A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
''Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get more...