Nipples Jokes / Recent Jokes
10 Fucking Limericks
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who found a dead whore in a cave.
It must have taken pluck,
to have a cold fuck;
But think of the money he saved!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There once was a man from Racine
who'd invented a fucking machine.
Concave or convex,
it fit either sex,
but boy, was it a bitch to keep clean.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was an old man of more...
A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."
AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.
BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.
BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.
BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e."I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".
BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 more...
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...
A guy is on a tour of a factory that manufactures different types of latex products. The first stop on the tour is at the machine that produces nipples for baby bottles. The machine makes a loud 'hiss-pop!' noise.
"That hiss you hear is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Eventually the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise - 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!'
"Just a second," the guy on the tour says. "I understand what the 'hisses' are, but what's the 'pop' every so often?"
"It's the same as the baby bottle nipples machine," the guide explains. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be very good for the condoms!" exclaims the guy.
"It sure is great for the baby bottle nipple business though!" the guide says.