Nerd Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicap zones. Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces. Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud? A: You can almost hear them. Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can't!

    Top Ten Ways A Computer Nerd Can Impress His Date10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program. 9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan. 8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad. 7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator. 6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads. 5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel. 4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of "his' n' her" system unit keys. 3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer. 2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap. 1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, "What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?

    "Dude, she just called you a nerd!" "OH, HELL NO!" "Well? Aren't you going to ask me to hold anything?" "No; I think it unwise to provoke the female who is so insistent to insult every predicament about my person/ Good day."

    To help you in formulating your answer, the following should be considered:
    Michael Jordan will make more than $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming he also makes $40 million in endorsements next year, he will be making $178,000 a day, working or not.
    If he goes to see a movie, it will cost him $8.00 (without popcorn and drink), but will make $18,500 while he is there.
    If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he will make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415 per hour more than minimum wage, even after the wage hike.
    He will make $3,710 while watching each episode of "FRIENDS". If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX (cost $90,000), it will take him a whole 12 hours to earn the money.
    If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at a rate of 2 dollars every second. He will probobly pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, more...

    What's the definition of a nerd?
    Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

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