Murphy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They were sitting down on a bench to rest when they heard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose.
Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."
MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest "I had an affair with a woman... almost."
The priest says, "What do you mean, almost?"
MURPHY says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped"
The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 5 Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
MURPHY leaves the confessional, says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly runs over to him saying, "MURPHY!!! I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
MURPHY replies, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in.
Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while
back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat.
I know that Mc Glynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew
that McGlynn come to church every Sunday.
I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during
Mass and I figured he would leave it in the back of church.
So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't
steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal
McGlynn's hat."
The priest gave more...