Motion Jokes

Scientist in England have put the pursuit of curing cancer or finding a vaccine for AIDS aside for the moment in order to find the answers to more pressing scientific questions, like, do mice like cheese. Apparently...No.
According to the brilliant minds of Manchester Metropolitan University, mice prefer foods with high sugar content like fruits and grains. This new discovery is in direct contradiction of decades of scientific data compiled by the research team, Tom and Jerry.
Other myths the English scientists hope to dispel, the ability to survive an anvil dropped on your head, the aerodynamics of rocket skates, and Wiley’s Law of Objects in Motion, that is an object will stay in motion until it looks down and realizes there is no ground beneath him.

Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Santa says.
"Thought...?" Banta asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Santa says.
"Wasn't that love?" Banta asks.
"No, that was obsession," Santa explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Banta.
"No, that was lust," Santa replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Banta.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Santa replies.

In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.
Canadium Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron.
Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.
Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often more...

A speech during a confidence motion on the Bharatiya Janata Party by Mr Surjit Singh Barnala of the Akali Dal, who was supporting the motion, was taking up more time than what had been allotted to him.

The speaker, Mr PA. Sangma, urged him to conclude. Surjit Singh Barnala continued his speech saying,' Main aapko jaldi khatam karna chahta hoon" (I want to finish you soon) and left the house in splits.

Here`s an essay on "The Cow" which was actually written a some student in the course of completing the "Indian Civil Services Examination". Calcutta`s Telegraph got hold of an answer paper of a candidate at the recent UPSC examinations and here it is...
The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadruped, and because he is female, he give milk, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.
"His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermen and mankind generally.
"His motion is slow only because he is of latitudinous species. Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his more...