Motel Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day there where 3 guys one was a black another was a white another was a mexican. they got stuck in the woods and got separated 4rom eachother. then 1 day the blk found a motel and asked the clerk 4 a room and the clrk said i only have haunted room he says ill take it so when he was taking his shoes off he hears im gonna get u if u come here and he gets scared and jumps off the 3 story building then the white finds the motel and gets the haunted room and hears the same thing and dies 2 and then the mexican gets the room and hears the same thing so every time he hears it he follows the voice finally he looks in the bathroom and sees a ’’lil boy pickin his nose sayin im going 2 get u if u come out”.

After an exhausting 12-hour drive to our honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach, Fla., my husband and I decided to refresh ourselves with a dip in the motel pool.
I must have dropped a few pounds to pre-wedding jitters, because each time I dived into the pool, I lost either the top or bottom of my skimpy new bikini.
Having the pool to ourselves, my husband thought it was exciting at first to keep my swimsuit from me. In the attempt to retrieve my swimsuit I noticed just how excited he was by his massive erection.
With very little struggle we got his swimsuit off and engaged in a
round of hide the salami before going back to our room to finish.
Later we dressed for dinner and went down to the motel restaurant. Waiting for a table, we sat in the lounge and ordered drinks.
Above the bar was a huge, empty, glistening fish tank. Curious, my husband asked, "Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty?"
The bartender grinned from ear to ear as he more...

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.
He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why Yes, that would be nice," the lady responded.
Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood, "What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, our gentleman was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. When he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, more...

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all. Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!" "I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me." "Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"He looked at her in disbelief, more...

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all.
Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!" "I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me."
"Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"
He looked at her more...

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all.Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!" "I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me.""Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"He looked at her in disbelief, more...

Top Signs You’re At A Bad Motel
The “complimentary” paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.
The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.
The “magic fingers vibration” is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic.
There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow
The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.
You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.
There’s a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.
The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.
The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with roseanne on it.
The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter.