Moshe Jokes / Recent Jokes

one day moshe cohen goes to the rabbi to ask for advice.he says to the rabbi"rabbi, i feel very unholy
ive been very bad to other people."
"moshe"says the rabbi (for he knows him well)"the torah says to love thy neighbor like you love yourself".
"i know"says moshe"what should i do?"
so the rabbi says"go to you front window and stick out your tongue."
"gee, thanks"says moshe"will that make me holy?"
"no,"says the rabbi"but the man opposite your front
window refused to donate tzedakah to the shul"

I want to go back to the period when Hitler was just in charge and the german jews where discriminated but still alive even though desperate.There is joke of this time:
Aaron meets Moshe in Berlin and asks him what he has done the whole day long.
"I was at the funeral of Hitler!" he replies.
"And how was it, what happened there"
"Oh.it was surprising" says Moshe "First they let the coffin down in the hole, but then pulled it out, then let it down again, pulled it out again and so on. About ten or twelve times!"
"But why?" askes Aaron astonished.
"Oh, thats no wonder, with this enormous applause he had!!!"

Egon Ronay, you’re not
Two Jewish students were rooming together in Manchester and they always shared the cooking of the evening meal.
One day, when Sam came home, he did not find a hot meal waiting for them, only sandwiches. So he asked Moshe, “What`s with the cheese sandwiches? You promised to cook us roast beef for tonight.”
Moshe replies, “I did! But the roast beef caught fire and it spread to the vegetables so I had to put it out with the chicken soup.”

Moshe wakes up one morning and says to his wife, Sadie:
"Aaarrrggghhh, Sadie! I've got a terrible pain on the left side of my body....aaarrrggghhh....I think I must have appendicitis!"
Sadie sighs and says, "Don't be silly Moshe. You're appendix is on the right side of your body!"
At which Moshe replies, "Well that's the problem! My appendix is on the wrong side!"

A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. "They're all fine," Moshe said, "Except my uncle. He's very sick."
"Your uncle is not sick," the faith healer said. "He THINKS he's sick."
Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. "How is your uncle getting along?" he asked.
Moshe shrugged, "He THINKS he's dead."

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. "They're all fine," Moshe said, "Except my uncle. He's very sick.""Your uncle is not sick," the faith healer said. "He just thinks he's sick."Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. "How is your uncle getting along?" he asked.Moshe shrugged, "He thinks he's dead."