Miriam Jokes

Miriam, an elderly lady, goes up to a man at a bus stop in Finchley in north west London.
She tugs on the sleeve of his coat and asks, "Farshtayn Yiddish?" The man answers, "Yes, Ich Farshtay."
Miriam then says, "Vot Time is It?"

HOW TO BEHAVE WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOUR DAUGHTER NECKING IN THE LIVING ROOM:
Wait until the young man has gone home, go into your daughter's room and say to her as follows:
"Miriam."
"Oh, hi, Ma."
"Miriam, I saw. I saw what you were doing in there."
"Oh."
"Miriam, who taught you this?"
"Oh, for God's sake, Ma. I'm a big girl now."
"Miriam, we are decent people. We have always tried to teach you the right thing. How could you do this to us?"
"Ma, for God's sake, I was only kissing..."
"Do you know what your father will do when I tell him? Do you?"
"No, but..."
"He will have a heart attack, that's what he will do. I promise you."
"Look, Ma, you don't have to tell..."
"Not only that, just think what the neighbors would say if they knew."
"Look..."
"For this I had to save your teeth more...

Miriam was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her husband Sidney. "Sidney, you've been so good to me all these years. I know you never even thought about another woman. But now that I'm going, I want you to marry again as soon as is possible and I want you to give your new wife all my expensive clothes.""I can't do that, darling," Sidney said. "You're a size 16 and she's only a 10."