Mine Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Monday April 5 2010,115 Chinese miners were rescued from a collapsed mine they had been trapped in for 8 days.
    Their only food was bark and straw that floated in the water that had flooded the shaft they were trapped in
    In related news the Miners have returned to the mine citing better living conditions underground

    An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, gee, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps and be a doctor! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

    Dear Santa
    I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on
    demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases
    of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground
    and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash
    with staples and a glue gun.
    I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had
    to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the
    laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in
    the next 18 years.

    Here are my Christmas wishes:
    I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any
    color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the
    breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy
    aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since more...

    If I like it, it's mine. If it's in my hand, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. If I think it's mine, it's mine. If I.. .. Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed. Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan.

    Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.

    One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.

    The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."

    The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."

    And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels."

    The others say "Hey! That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!".

    She says "That's My Georgie!!"

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