Mile Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

    Ok, 3 canadians were walking along the beach, one from the Yukon, one from Quebec, and one from Newfoundland. Now, it happened that they found a magic lamp. After rubbing it, the genie promised each of them one wish. The Yukon said, "I wish for fish teeming in our waters for a million years." The genie snapped his fingers and said, "Done."
    The Yukon man went off to go fish. Now the Quebec man said, "Being as the Quebecois's (is that right?) are a superior race, I want a wall a mile high and a mile thick all the way around Quebec so no one can get in, and no one can get out.
    So the genie snapped his fingers, and transported the Quebecois to Quebec so there were no problems.
    The Newfie stepped up and said, "Ok, it's a mile high and a mile thick, and no one can get in or out right?"
    "Correct." said the genie.
    "Fill it with water."

    Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they'll be a mile away - and barefoot. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. A closed mouth gathers no feet. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Eat well - stay fit - die anyway. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal more...

    During World War II, twice as many fighter pilots were killed during training than combat
    In 1962 an outbreak of contagious laughter in Tanganyika lasted for six months and caused schools to be closed
    A nautical mile measures 6,080 feet while a land or statute mile is 5,280 feet
    No one can drown in the Dead Sea. It is 25 percent salt, which makes the water very heavy
    Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water
    Earth's oceans contain 7 1/2 million tons of gold, dissolved in the water
    Children who are breastfed tend to have an I.Q. seven points higher than children who are not.
    The bird flu virus could evolve into a form that is easily spread between people, resulting in a highly contagious and lethal disease.
    The Chinese, in olden days, used marijuana only as a remedy for dysentery.
    If you are right handed, you will tend more...

    There were three princes and they were all after this one princess. So the kings says "the
    one who will marry my daughter is the one that fulfils these three tasks". The three tasks were
    1)to swim a mile
    2) to jump over a puddle that was 10 feet long and
    3) to fuck a cow.
    So the first prince, he tries to swim a mile, but as soon as he gets into the water (because he can't swim for shit). The second
    prince, well he swims a mile and jumps over the 10 feet long puddle, but can't fuck the cow
    (because he has no clue of what fucking actually is). Now, the third prince, he swims a mile,
    jumps over the puddle, and he fucks the cow (and he fucked the cow real good). So, the kings say
    "o. k., now you can marry my daughter". The third prince says, "forget your daughter, i want the

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