Mental Jokes / Recent Jokes
In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...
A physician visited a California mental institution and asked a patient "How did you get here? What is the nature of your illness?"
He got this reply.
"It started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My Daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So as I told you, when stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once, my stepmother. Now since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle.
As you know, my wife is my step grand-mother since she is my stepmother's mother. (Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.) Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a few more...
A Doctor wants to take his mental patients in a plane for a change. When the plane started the mental patients in the plane were doing lot of mischieves and even disturbing the Pilots in the plane. A pilot came out from his engine room and asked the doctor to keep the mental patients quiet and asked to maintain the pin drop silence in the plane without disturbing other passengers. After sometime the plane was very silent and the pilot was wondering how it happened. After a while the pilot came out of his engine room to see what is happening. He saw the mental patients are missing in the plane. He asked the Doctor where are they? The Doctors quietly replied that he told them to play outside. So they are playing outside.The pilot got Panic....
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day.
So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Climate/Terrain: Any Usenet
newsgroup
Frequency: Common
Organization: Thread
Activity cycle: Any
Diet: Lusers
Intelligence: Low (3-5)
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic evil
(neutral)
No. Appearing: 1
Armour Class: n/a
Movement: 'c'
Hit Dice: 100
THAC0: n/a
No. of Attacks: n/a
Damage/Attack: n/a
Special Attacks: See
below
Special Defences: See
below
Magic Resistance: 100%
Size: Exists as mental force
only
Morale: Elite (14)
XP Value: 1,800
The Usenet troll (Trollicus useneticus bloodyirritatingus) is an evil
mental parasite found in all areas of Usenet, where it preys upon the
brains of lusers (Homo stultissimus). Most clueful people avoid these
creatures, since Usenet trolls know no fear and attack unceasingly,
demanding responses from their prey.
Usenet trolls are immune to flames (Flammae useneticae), which is
unfortunate, as most will try to attack them more...