Mechanic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Detroit, Oregon - A hunter thought he had found a severed human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police. Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a mannequin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.

Redondo Beach, California - After a short chase, officer Joseph Fonteno charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI. The car had been driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he responded: "It came with the car when I bought it."

Australia - The Australian Police Journal reported that an elderly woman had already used about half of the powder in a custard packet when she discovered an object that appeared to be a large dead cockroach. However, when she brought it to the Health Department, food analysts determined it to be a dried-up human finger. The following investigation revealed that a factory worker had more...

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic.

So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order. So our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited the result.

The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%! He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark.

The instructor said, "No no that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine- a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really, and then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the muffler.

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor
of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known
heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there
waiting for the service manager to come take a look at
his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can
I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag
and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its
heart, take valves out, fix' em, put' em back in, and
when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I
get such a small salary and you get the really big
bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same
work?
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and
whispered to the mechanic..... "Try doing it with the
engine running".

A blonde wanted to sell her car but failed many times. Even though the car looked pratically new it had over 400 000 miles on it. So she goes to a bar and theres a brunette sitting a few barstools away and she's wearing mechanic's overalls. They start talking and the blonde tells the brunette her problems. The brunette feels sorry for her.
The brunette says, "Well I'm a mechanic. I can help you sell your car but it's not legal."
The blonde says she'll do whatever it takes.
The brunette says, "Well I can change your odometer back to 40 000 miles and it'll be easier to sell."
The blonde agrees and gives the brunette her keys.
So the brunette takes the car back to her garage and sets back the counter. Then the next morning returns the car.
A week later they run into each other and the brunette asks the blonde if she sold her car.
The blonde says, "Why would I sell my car? It only has 40 000 miles on it."

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car."235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"