Male Jokes / Recent Jokes

A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man said.
The clerk nodded and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descended the ladder he mused that he really should get two loaves as he was having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieved the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers noticed what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requested his own loaf of raisin bread so he could continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the more...

Notice Of Increase In Tax Payments To All Male Taxpayers.
Gentlemen:
The only thing the government has not yet taxed is your "PECKER." Mainly because 98% of the time you pecker is out of work and the 2% it is in the hole. Moreover, it has two dependents who are both nuts.
Accordingly, beginning on April 1 of this year, your pecker will be taxed according to its size. Use the Pecker-Checker scale listed below to determine you tax.
Please insert the information on page 6, section P, subsection z, line 69 of your State Income Tax Form.
Very truly yours,
IRS
Addenum
PECKER-CHECKER SCALE
10 to 12 inches Luxury Tax $50. 00
8 to 10 inches Pole Tax $25. 00
6 to 8 inches Privilege Tax $15. 00
4 to 6 inches Nuisance Tax $ 5. 00
Note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.
Please do not request an extension.

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. more...

Janet was a first time contestant on the $65,000 television quiz show. So far, luck was on her side since she had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She had even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.
Janet agreed to return the following day and was extremely nervous as her husband drove them home.
"I just have to win tomorrow," she said, "I really wish I knew what the answer is! You realize I'm not going to be able to sleep at all tonight and will probably look horrible tomorrow."
"Relax, honey," her husband, Robert, said reassuringly. "Everything's going to be fine."
Minutes after they arrived home, Robert grabbed the car keys and started to head out the door. "Where are you going?" Janet asked.
"I have one small errand to run," Robert replied. "I should be back soon."
After an agonizing two hour more...

Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A. A woman that won't do what she's told.

NEW TAX LAW

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time is is pissed off, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 1999, your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:

10-12'' Luxury Tax $30.00
8-10'' Privilege Tax $15.00
5-8'' Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12'' must file under Capital Gains.
Anyone under 4'' is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
IRS

***NOTE***
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:

* Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
* What if one's penis is self-employed?
* Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
* Are more...

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29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?

28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.

27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?

26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?

25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!

24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?

23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?

22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?

21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?

20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of more...