Malayalee Jokes / Recent Jokes
Driving Lesson: Shanavas was just past 18 years. He wanted to learn how to drive a car. So he approached Shamudeen. Shamudeen agreed and he taught him for a month. At the end of the month, when there was just one more lesson to be finished, Shamu said "Shanavas, you are doing very well. This is the last lesson about the use of Indicators. After finishing the lesson, you drive alone to the city and come back." Shanavas nodded. After the lesson was over, he drove the car towards the main road. Fifteen minutes later, Shamu got a call from the Medical College casualty that Shanavas was admitted after a R. T. A. He rushed to the Casualty and found Shanavas lying in the trolley wih lots of bruises. Seeing Shamu, Shanavas went mad and shouted. "What man? What did you teach me? A vehicle with an indicator on top came rushing just after the Ulloor junction. I thought it would go up. But it came and crashed on to the car!" (The vehicle was an Ambulance!)
A GUJJU FAMILY IN GUJARAT WAS PUZZLED WHEN THE COFFIN OF THEIR DEAD MOTHER ARRIVED FROM THE US. IT WAS SENT BY ONE OF THE DAUGHTERS.
THE DEAD BODY WAS SO TIGHTLY SQUEEZED INSIDE THE COFFIN, WITH NO SPACE LEFT IN IT. WHEN THEY OPENED THE LID, THEY FOUND A LETTER ON TOP, WHICH READ AS FOLLOWS:
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS,
I AM SENDING OUR MOTHER'S BODY TO YOU, SINCE IT WAS HER WISH THAT SHE SOULD BE CREMATED IN THE COMPOUND OF OUR ANCESTRAL HOME IN GUJRAT. SORRY, I COULD NOT COME ALONG AS ALL OF MY PAID LEAVES ARE CONSUMED.
YOU WILL FIND INSIDE THE COFFIN, UNDER BA'S BODY, 12 CANS OF CHEESE, 10 PACKETS OF CHOCOLATES AND 8 PACKETS OF BADAM. PLEASE DIVIDE THESE AMONG ALL OF YOU.
ON BA'S FEET YOU WILL FIND A NEWPAIR OF REEBOK SHOES (SIZE 10) FOR MOHAN. ALSO, THERE ARE 2 PAIRS OF SHOES FOR RADHA'S AND LAKSHMI'S SONS.
HOPE THE SIZES ARE CORRECT. BA IS WEARING 6 AMERICAN T-SHIRTS. THE LARGE SIZE IS FOR MOHAN AND THE OTHERS ARE FOR MY NEPHEWS. JUST DISTRIBUTE THEM more...
You might be a Malayali..........
If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin's wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and playfootball, all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!
If your late father left you a part of an old house as your inheritance, and you turned it into a "chaya kada" yes you're a Malayali.
If you have more than 5 relatives working in Gulf, Big Time Malayali..
If you have the words "Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol" written on the rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.
If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan, guess what? You're a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.
If you have a tamilian parked in front of your house every more...
POTTICHIRI
Adukkalayil undayirunna biscuit packet aaro pottichirikkunnu
VIMMISHTAM
Idhu vare EXO dishwash bar upyogitchu madutha ammayikku ippol Vimmishtamaayi
SIMHAASANAM
Circusil simham theeyude purathu koodi chaadi, appol Simhaasanam polli
SADAACHAARAM
Jolikkaari aduppilninnum sadaachaaram vaarum.
UTHARAM MUTTI
Innale thattinpurathu kayariyappol, ente thalayil uththaram mutti.
PIDIKITTUKA
Kuda nashttappettengilum athinte pidikitti
ADICHELPPIKKUKA
Ravile ezhunelkkathirunna ramuvine achan adichelppichu
JEEVIKKUKA:
G vikkuka budhimuttanekil ini kurachu naal H vikkan sramikkam.
ETTUMPOTTUM
8 muttakal tharayil ittappol manasilaaayi, ettum pottum!
MUDANTHANNYAAYAM
Innale kavalayil oru mudanthan nyaayam prayunnathu kettu.
AZHIMATHI
Veedu panithappol sit outtil jannal mathiyennnu achan paranjappo tintumon paranju venda AZHIMATHI..
AAROPANAM:
Innale bank locker kuthi-thurannu more...
Mukundetta, mobile adikkunnu..
Veendum Visa
AncharaCompanyum Anchu programmer marum
Oru online veera gatha
Ee startup, ivide kure protocolukal
Ente dos, nammalude windows, avarude unix
Achuvettante system
T. P. Radhamani MCA
Meleparambil Consultancy
Nammuku paarkuvan internet chat-roomukal
Bug nisaram Fix gurutharam!
Code nokki yenthram
Q: Where did the Malayali study?
A: In the ko-liage.
Q: Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
A: He is very bissi.
Q: Why did the Malayali buy and air-ticket?
A: To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
Q: Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
A: To yearn meney.
Q: What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
A: He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
Q: Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?
A: Because he wanted to hear pope music.
Q: How does a Malayali spell moon?
A: MOON - Yem Yo yet another Yo and Yem
Q: What is Malayali management graduate called?
A: Yem Bee Yae.
Q: What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
A: He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
Q: What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
A: An Oto
Q: And for cargo?
A: Loree
Q: Where does he pray?
A: Demble
Q: Who is Bruce Lee's best more...
A family at Changanachery (Kerala) was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from Dubai. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed into the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid they found a letter on top which read as follows:
Dear brothers and sisters,
I am sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be buried in the parelpally cemetry. Sorry, I could not come along because nurses salary is going to increase from next month so I doubt whether I will get in case I am not here. You will find inside the coffin, under Amma's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolates and 4 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On the sides of her head there is a tin of Nido and Tang. On Amma's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoe (size 10) for Biju.
Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Lijju's and Ammani's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Amma is wearing 6 more...