Mainframe Jokes

If you could kill someone by tipping it over on them, it might be a
mainframe.
If the only "mouse" it has is the one living inside it, it might be a
mainframe.
If you need earth-moving equipment to relocate it, it might be a
mainframe.
If you've ever lost an oscilloscope inside of it, it might be a
mainframe.
If it's big enough to be used as an apartment, it might be a
mainframe.
If it has ever had a card-punch designed for it, it might be a
mainframe.
If it weighs more than an RV, it might be a mainframe.
If lights in the neighborhood dim when it's powered up, it might be a
mainframe.
If it arrived in its own moving van, it might be a mainframe.
If its disk platters are big enough to cook pizzas on, it might be a
mainframe.
If Michael Jordan would need his entire annual salary to buy one, it
might be a mainframe.
If keeping all of the manuals together creates a fire hazard, it might
be a more...

"Puff the Fractal Dragon"
No plain fanfold paper could hold that fractal Puff - He grew so fast no plotting pack could shrink him far enough.
Compiles and simulations grew so quickly tame And swapped out all their data space when Puff pushed his stack frame.
Chorus:
Puff the fractal dragon was written in C, And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory. Puff the fractal dragon was written in C, And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory.
Puff, he grew so quickly, while others moved like snails And mini-Puffs would perch themselves on his gigantic tail. All the student hackers loved that fractal Puff But DCS did not like Puff, and finally said, "Enough!"
(chorus)
Puff used more resources than DCS could spare. The operator killed Puff's job - he didn't seem to care. A gloom fell on the hackers; it seemed to be the end, But Puff trapped the exception, and grew from naught again!
(chorus)