Maid Jokes / Recent Jokes

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your needs, so we'll call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class", and your baby brothe we can call "The Future".
"Do you understand, Son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it".
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his more...

Man calls home. Maid answers phone.

Man: Can I speak to my wife?

Maid: She is with her boyfriend.

Man: What! O. K. go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both.

Maid: O. K. (five minutes later) they are both dead. What should I do with the bodies?

Man: Throw them in the pool, and I will take care of them.

Maid: But, we don''t have a pool,

Man: What!!!? Is this 555-1234.

A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
The maid, with her Gaelic ancestry, couldn't allow such abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madame. He has told me himself."
The rich bitch just scowled and said nothing. "And furthermore," the angry girl continued, "I am better in bed than you!"
"And I suppose my husband told you that, too?"
"No, Madame," said the maid. "The chauffeur told me that!"

There was an old maid who lived in a small village. In spite of her old age, she was very proud of the fact that she was still a virgin. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she informed the local undertaker that she wished to have the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Shortly thereafter, the old maid died peacefully and the undertaker told his men what she had said. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no-goods they were, they felt the inscription was unnecessarily long. Instead, they simply wrote:
"Return unopened."

Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.The maid replied, "Your husband and your son." Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation. "Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say,' You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say' You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.
When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....

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Dear Maid,
    Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman

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Dear Room 635,
    I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you more...