Madam Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this old man who was really horny. So he decided that he would buy a prostitute. He goes to the whore house and pays his money and requests his merchandise. The girl though looks at the pruny old man and refuses. She tells the Madam of the house that if he paid her a million dollars that she woudn't sleep with him. But in the end the Madam convinces her and they do the DEED... Well the girl finds out to her surprise that the old man is really good and she wouldn't mind going at it again. She tells him this and he says okay but you have do something for me first. Since he really pleased her she tells him that sure she will do anything he asks. He tells her to hold his balls perfectly in place without moving either of them an inch for 5 minutes while he takes a nap. Well she's confused by the request but she does what he asks. Well when he finally wakes up he tells her that he is ready. They do it again and in fact it is better than last time. more...

IN AN LKG CLASS ROOM.....
LITTLE GIRL: MADAM.. I WANT TO ASK YOU ONE THING
MADAM: YOU CAN ASK
LITTLE GIRL: WHEN I WILL BECOME "PREGNENT"..
MADAM: IT WILL TAKE LONG TIME...
LITTLE GIRL: TELL ME WHEN?
MADAM: NEARLY 15 YEARS AFTER... AFTER U GET MARRIED ONLY.
LITTLE GIRL: OK
AT THAT TIME FROM BACK BENCH ONE LITTLE BOY LOUDLY SAYS TO THIS LITTLE GIRL...

I TOLD YOU NA. ...... NO PROBLEM

An elderly man walks into a house of ill repute and tells the madam that he would like a young woman for the night. The madam gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Just how old are you, mister?"

"Why," the old patron says, "I'm 98 years old today!"

"Ninety-eight!" the madam exclaims. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh," he says, "then how much do I owe you?"

Hickory Dickory Dock, An elephant ran up the clock, The clock is being repaired. A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. Don't call an elephant, he may come! An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!" Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE don't stand near the elephant's backside. .. MADAM. .. MADAM. .., too late; George, dig her out. Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants. It's done on a very high level. There's a lot of stomping and more...

The madam of a bawdy house answered the ring of the bell and, on opening the door, she found standing there on the threshold, an ancient, bearded gentleman in rabbi's garb.
"May I come in?" asked the rabbi gently in an aged, quavering voice.
Feeling a little confused, the madam said, "But rabbi, surely you must be in the wrong place. Here is where we-"
"I know what you do here," interrupted the rabbi. "you don't think I came here for chopped liver, do you? Bring on the girls."
Still confused, but understanding her professional duties, the madam had several girls line up. The rabbi tottered from one to another until he reached Rose, a large redhead with enormous breasts. He looked at her with appreciation and pointed,
"Good! I'll take those."
The rabbi paid out the necessary sum and Rosie led him upstairs. She helped him off with his coat and hung it up carefully on the nail on the door. Then she helped him off more...

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy.
"Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,
000.
Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it.
Again he handed Natalie the money and up to more...

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"