Madam Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?""Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat.""But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy."Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied."Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left.The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,000.Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it.Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the more...
The Madam opens the brothel door to see an elderly man standing in the
doorway. His clothes are all dishevelled and he looks...well, "needy".
"Can I help you?" the Madam asks. "I want Natalie", the old man replies. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else...?"
"No. I want Natalie."
Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $ 1,000 per hour. Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $ 100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves.
The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie
explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $ 1,000 for one hour. But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.
When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no more...
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of drainingand a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, thedoctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ? eh? D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR! L: ?? EH? D: (shouting) -IN YOUR EAR! -A SUPPOSITORY!!! L: Oh, thankGoodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid!
The Madam opens the brothel door to see an elderly man standing in the doorway. His clothes are all dishevelled and he looks...well, "needy". "Can I help you?" the Madam asks. "I want Natalie", the old man replies. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else...?""No. I want Natalie."Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $ 1,000 per hour. Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $ 100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves.The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $ 1,000 for one hour. But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he more...
The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy." Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied." Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie." Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1, 000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1, 000. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the more...
THIS anecdote is of a certain Mr. Aiyar who having qualified for the Indian Civil Service was doing his probation in England. At a formal dinner, as was his habit, he began to eat with his hands. "How disgusting!" remarked the Mem Sahib sitting next to him "How can you eat with those dirty hands?"
"Madam, I wash my hands before taking a meal," replied Mr. Aiyar. "Our knives, forks and spoons are sterilized after they are used," she maintained.
Not to be outdone, Mr. Aiyar replied: "That may be so Madam. But my hands and fingers go only into my mouth. Can you say how many mouths your knives, forks and spoons have gone into?"