Madam Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a twelve-year-old walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says, "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam says, "Okay have a seat, she'll be down in about twenty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "She has to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and asks why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "Active herpes."
She responds, "Okay have a seat - it'll be about ten minutes." Ten minutes later, a woman comes out, they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal.
As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay why did you want someone with active herpes?"
The kid replies, more...

Grand Lady: George. Take my dress off.

Butler: Er. Certainly, Madam.

Grand Lady: Now, George, take my shoes off.

Butler: Er. Certainly Madam.

Grand Lady: And George...

Butler: Yes, Madam.

Grand Lady: If you want to keep your job don't wear my clothes again.

A woman was walking down the street past a pet shop, and when she looked in the window there was a gorgeous parrot for sale with a sign that said "$50.00".
She had always wanted a parrot, but had found them to be too expensive, so she rushed in and asked the proprietor, "Why is this parrot so cheap?"
"Well," he replied, "You see, that parrot was in a brothel for awhile, and learned some bad language, so nobody seems to want it."
How bad could it be?, the woman thought.
Finally, she decided to buy it anyway, as it was such a beautiful bird. She took it home in a cage and put it on the table.
The parrot looked around and said "Awk! New House, New Madam!"
"Well," the woman thought, "That's not so bad."
Then the woman's two daughters came home from school.
"Awk!", the parrot said, "New Madam, New Whores!"
Well, that upset them a bit, but they tried to laugh it off, more...

Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?"
"That dress is $899. 95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman.
"Oy! For $99. 95 I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!"
"But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool."
"Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?" she laughed.

A woman was walking down the street past a pet shop, and when she looked in the window there was a gorgeous parrot for sale with a sign that said "$50.00".She had always wanted a parrot, but had found them to be too expensive, so she rushed in and asked the proprietor, "Why is this parrot so cheap?""Well," he replied, "You see, that parrot was in a brothel for awhile, and learned some bad language, so nobody seems to want it."How bad could it be?, the woman thought.Finally, she decided to buy it anyway, as it was such a beautiful bird. She took it home in a cage and put it on the table.The parrot looked around and said "Awk! New House, New Madam!""Well," the woman thought, "That's not so bad."Then the woman's two daughters came home from school."Awk!", the parrot said, "New Madam, New Whores!"Well, that upset them a bit, but they tried to laugh it off, and decided that wasn't so bad either. Then more...

An elderly French playboy entered the door of his favorite sporting house and asked the Madam if he might have an audience with Renee.
"Alas, monsieur," replied the Madam, "Renee is visiting her dear 1 Mother in Provence. Would you care to see Musette?"
The old gentleman smiled. "No, thank you, chere madame, I will return another day. When do you expect Renee to be back?"
"Saturday next," said the Madam. "Your devotion is to be admired. But can you not find diversion in the company of Clothilde? Or Gaby? Or the lively Yvette?"
To each suggestion, the old man shook his head. Curious, the Madam asked, "Renee is, of course, charming, but what does she possess that the other girls do not?"
"Patience, chere madame," he replied, "patience."

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all dishevelled and he looked needy.
"Can I help you?" the madam asked.
"I want Natalie," the old man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."
"No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,000. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and more...