Little Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?Little Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.

Little Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.
"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Little Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter' M' and I pick up things. What am I?”Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You're a mother!”

Pappy sees Little Johnny walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"
The Johnny smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."
The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know." Johnny said. "And look what you got!"

The teacher spent the entire hour reading to her class about the bison family. When she had finished, she said, “Name some things that are very dangerous to get near to and have horns.”Little Johnny spoke up without hesitation, “Automobiles?”

A first grade teacher, Miss Daisy, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, "Johnny! What is your problem?"
Little Johnny says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!"
Miss Daisy had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his own questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
The teacher agreed. Little Johnny is brought in the room. The principal tells Little Johnny and he agrees.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Little Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Little Johnny: "36"
Principal: "What is 9 x 9?" Little Johnny: more...

Little Johnny asked his mom if he could take their dog for a walk. The mother said, "Honey, I don't think that is such a good idea because the dog is in heat".
Little Johnny wanted to know what that meant. The mom wanted to avoid the subject so she told him to go ask his daddy if he could take the dog for a walk. Little Johnny found his dad in the garage and asked him about taking the dog for a walk. He said "That is probably not a good idea because the dog is in heat".
So, he asked his dad what that meant. The father really didn't want to explain so he got some gasoline and smeared it all over the dog's hindquarters and tail. He said "There, now it should be okay for you to take the dog for a walk".
About an hour later, Little Johnny returned home but he didn't have the dog with him. When his father asked where their dog was, Little Johnny replied,
"Oh, I guess she ran out of gas but don't worry, there's another dog pushing her more...