Little Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes
One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!"
Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. "You should have said,' The bull is surprising the cow'- not some filth you picked up in the City," he says.
A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. "Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!
The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, "Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot' surprise' more than one cow at a time you know...."
"Yes he can!" replies his obstinate nephew, "He's fucking the horse!"
Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.
His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k."
His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"
Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked.
"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, and Johnny," she answered.
"They're all named Johnny?" he asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call Johnny,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, Johnny, come eat your dinner," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
Little Johnny, and his grandfather entered the vacation cabin, and kept the lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.Still, a few fireflies followed them in. Noticing them before his grandfather did, Little Johnny whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher asked the class if anyone could think of a three syllable word.
Johnny starts waving his arms frantically and the teacher says, " yes Johnny?"
"Contageous" says Johnny.
"Thats very good Johnny but do you know what that means?"
Yes...my dad and I were watching from the livingroom window while mom shovelled snow and my dad said, "at this rate, it will take the cunt ages."
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, seldom had
guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly
carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”