Lion Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tarzan got into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa and, while the lion was defeated, it did manage to destroy Tarzan's eye and rip off his arm and his dick.
Needless to say, Tarzan's jungle friends helped him out by giving him the parts he needed... the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asked Tarzan how his new parts were working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, Tarzan can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But, Tarzan no like new wee-wee," Tarzan replied.
"Why not?" asked Cheeta.
"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass!" Tarzan complained.

A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."
And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

Erap was in the forest when he came across this huge lion and immediately fainted. When he came to, he found the lion kneeling in front of him. ERAP: Mr. Lion, thank you for not eating me! LION: Ssshh! I'm saying grace.

Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."

This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."

To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100. 00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"

. At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is more...

A lonely explorer is lost in the jungle and gets caught by a tribe of cannibals.
He is brought to the chief who speaks his judgement:
You shall be eaten alive!
Unless you succeed in the three tests of liberty!
The guy naturely agrees to perform the tests, for it is his last hope of escape.
The Chief sentences hil to the test of the jungle:
"First, you go in first hut and drink everything".
"Then, you go in second hut, and break legs of lion!"
"Last, you go in third hut and bring oldest tribe member (130 years old) to orgasm."
The explorer enters the first hut and drinks 3 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of whisky and a crate of beer.
After an hour he comes out, drunk as never before, and stumbles into the second hut.
Suddenly hell breaks loose. Dust flies around, and the hut shakes wildly from left to right.
The cannibals fear that their supper is being eaten by the lion, and just before they decide to kill the more...

What does a lion call a antelope? Fast food. Sent by jessica

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman. Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion! “Quick, darling, ” the wife shouts frantically, “Do something! ” “Oh, no, ” the husband says, “That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out! ”