Lindsay Jokes / Recent Jokes

In celebrity gossip, actress Lindsay Lohan is dating actor Jude Law and according to Lohan she is taking the relationship slow.

In fact on their first date, Lindsey said she waited until they got to the car before she took off all her clothes.

Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns. One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them." Paris said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!" Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist. "What can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms, please," said Lindsay Lohan. The more...

Actress and TMZ cover girl "Lindsay Lohan's" alleged probation violation arrest warrant this past weekend stemming from her 2007 DUI has been dropped...
She must however pay $20 restitution in person to L.A. County Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel for the 2 hours she and her husband wasted in 2007 after sitting through "Georgia Rule"...

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I’m Lindsay Lohan. I went to rehab a few times last year, and I’ve really been trying to stay away from drinking. But I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon. I drank some champagne from a bottle at a New Year’s Eve party, and I drank Grey Goose vodka from a bottle Friday night and had some vodka cocktails at another club. And I was videotaped and seen by reporters. What should I do?


Dear Lindsay,

The quick fix is for you to start doing your drinking at home, away from judging eyes and cameras. What you lose in social surroundings, you can make up for in sheer drinking volume. It’ll pay for itself after your first blackout. As the saying goes, when a drunk passes out and no one’s around, it never happened. If you’re still not sold on drinking at home, remember this: There’s no last call at home. The floor’s the limit.

The Star Savior

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are driving down the highway in a convertible. Lindsay knows that she is speeding so she asks Paris if there is a cop behind them? So Paris looks behind their car and sees a cop and says "Oh my God Lindsay, there is a cop behind us!" Lindsay says "That sucks! Are his lights on?" Paris answers, "Yes. .. No. .. Yes. .. No. .. Yes. .. No. .."

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It’s Lindsay Lohan. In an interview, I said I was looking forward to having Barack Obama as “our first colored president.” It’s getting some attention. It's clear how much I support Obama, so that little slip-up isn’t a big deal, is it?


Dear Lindsay,

I understand your excitement about having a colored president, but there’s no time to sit back and enjoy it. It’s time to start thinking about the next election, so that Obama won’t be our last colored president.

You should use your status to encourage young people to “Spook the Vote.” You could organize a rally called the “Spade Raid.” And you could count on the full support of the colored community - once they get here in their time machines.

The Star Savior

The following Transcript was performed in June of 2006 at the Broadway Comedy Club in New York City.I hope I don't seem too off tonight - I caught Paris Hilton's new single the other day; now my ears itch, and it burns when I hear.
Y'like what I did there, right? Yeah...it's funny cuz she's a whore.
I saw in the paper yesterday that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan got into it at some Hollywood party recently, and the papers were calling it a "catfight," which to me is typical tabloid exaggeration.
We all know the rule of thumb: it ain't a catfight, unless we see some titty. It's gotta be confirmed by at least two witnesses...
So I say let'em go at it til shit gets to rippin'. It's not like there's high expectations floating around for these two. It's not like there's a lot of people who think'Paris Hilton' and'Lindsay Lohan' and immediately think, 'class.'
I've known chicks from Jersey with more self-esteem. Seriously, as I speak there is a fifty year old more...