Limbaugh Jokes / Recent Jokes

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse. The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there. As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head. And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed. When out in the garden came a plethora of noise, all drunken and rowdy:' twas Newt and the boys! Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow, gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below. When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer. With a big House leader, all lively and fat: He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT! As viscous as vipers, the Republicans came, and Bill recognized them and called more...

Rush Limbaugh will not be prosecuted for having someone else's prescription of Viagra at an airport. Limbaugh's lawyer, however, said that Rush actually had hoped for the stiffest sentence possible.

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long."Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver."What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig.

After accusing Michael J. Fox of exaggerating the effects of Parkinson's disease, Rush Limbaugh finally apologized. Then he added, "But Muhammed Ali is totally faking his blackness!"

'Twas the Newt Before Christmas
by Dean Bakopoulos
' Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed
after locking out Mr. Kennedy and the dirty thoughts in his head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy grey tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy:' twas Gingrich and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear,
but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer,
with more...

The State of American political rhetoric:
"The plan is really a Doctor Kevorkian prescription for the jobs of American working men and women." Rep. Richard Armey, R-Texas, on the Clinton health care proposal.
At a congressional hearing Armey pledged to Hillary Clinton to make the health care debate exciting. Mrs. Clinton replied, "I'm sure you will do that, you and Doctor Kevorkian."
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until it's free." humorist P.J. O'Rourke.
"The people of the 5th district of Georgia did not send me here to sell them out for a mess of pottage (sic) and 30 (sic) pieces of silver." Democratic Rep. John Lewis, saying no to NAFTA.
Understatement of the year: "I spun myself out of control." Republican consultant Edward Rollins on his post-election statements about suppressing black voter turnout in the New Jersey governor's race.
"If we're going to prepare them for what goes on in more...

Rush Limbaugh has challenged MSNBC to go thirty days without mentioning his name. MSNBC responded by challenging Rush to go thirty days without visiting a Krispy Kreme store.