Life Jokes / Recent Jokes

I always take life with a grain of salt,. ..plus a slice of lemon,. ..and a shot of tequila.

Life is a roller coaster.
You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.

HEADLINES
1. Heroic dog drags problem child back into burning building.
2. Solar eclipse – Public says affirmative action taken overboard.
3. Half bodied lady rolls to Zimbabwe for free water.
4. Dead fish threat in sushi shop.
5. Heroic police officer risks life and limb rearming bomb in Mugabe's suit.
6. Food poisoning caused by raw sushi.
7. Solar eclipse canceled due to full schedule.
8. Gay cow rapes sheep… twice.
9. Cow turns out to be Australian in cow costume.
10. Retard knocked over by parked car.
11. New Zealand man re-united with sheep father.
12. Retard turned fugitive after failed suicide.
13. Happy- unhappy.
14. Baby carrot run over, Doctors fear he could be a vegetable.
15. AIDS aids elderly man, adds seven years to life.
16. Sleeping man died on the job.
17. Iraq! The bomb to be.
18. Miracle leper goes missing after hot water turns to soup.
19. Man loses only left foot.
20. Baby goes more...

The latest research into possible evidence of past Martian life has failed to win over some scientists, who remain skeptical of any claims that a Martian meteorite shows signs of life that once existed on Mars. Kathie Thomas-Keprta of NASA's Johnson Space Center, found that organisms in the meteorite were identical in shape to those on earth. Some critics say there were no organisms on the meteorite. In other words, she faked an organism.

DEAR WIFE

I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.

Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband

P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!

DEAR more...

1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000
9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
16. Barbie's measurements if she more...

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a more...