Letter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Math student `s Love Letter!!!
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular
face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.
Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a
Vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a
deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart,
it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots,
which only you can solve by making good binary relation
with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions
but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits
from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The
geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do n ot meet me at parabola restaurant more...

...you talk to someone else and look at their shoes first.. ..you have more than three friends whose first names have the letter "j" as the second letter.. ..the only open pew is up front, so you volunteer to shovel the sidewalk.. ..Ole and Lena are really the names of your relatives.. ..you know what a Lutheran Church Basement Woman is.. ..you give a party and don't tell anyone where it is.. ..you think hotdish is one of the major food groups.. ..your five-year-old recites the Old Testament books as Genesis, Exodus, Lutefisk...

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource more...

A college student wrote a letter home to his parents which read:
"Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel so miserable because I have to keep writing home to ask you for money. It makes me feel so ashamed and unhappy, but I must ask for another hundred dollars. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Rick
P.S. I felt so awful that I ran after the mailman who picked this letter up in the box at the corner. I really wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back, but it was too late."
A few days later, the student received a letter from his father which read:
"Dear Son,
Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!
Dad"

Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes - it's the same as an English "s"

Dear Friends,
This letter is being sent to you for I know that you are certainly Interested in your lawn.
The summer season is almost over, and it is time to act if You want a truly spectacular lawn. This is a fertilizer chain letter. It Will cost you nothing.
Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address of the person on the top of this list and poop on their front lawn. You will not be the only one doing this so don't be embarrassed.
Then add your name and address to the bottom of the list and send out five copies of the letter to five of your friends who appreciate a good organic lawn.
You will not get any money or checks, but within a few weeks, if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,255 people pooping on your front lawn.
Your reward will come next year when you have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.
Mr. Harry Butt
235 Corn Cob Alley
Mr. Smell B. Hind
275 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. Lucy Bowels
298 Bedpan Road
Mr. C. Howie more...

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.