Lazy Jokes / Recent Jokes

How can you tell if a man you're dating is lazy? He throws his kisses.

"I'm ashamed of the way we live," wife said to her lazy husband, our Santa, who refused to find a job.
"My father pays our rent, my mother buys all of our food, my sister buys our clothes, my aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed."
Santa rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a thing!"

The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel.

"They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.

"I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse."

"But the squirrel?" asked the genie.

"I need something to go' click-click' to start the horse!!!"

I'm not saying you're lazy, but you should try out for "American Idle".

What do you call a skeleton lying in a bed?
Lazy bones!

Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience