Laws Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actual statements from Hizzoner Mayor Marion Barry of Washington, DC.
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Bitch set me up."
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People more...

The following is a list of the Cartoon Laws Of Physics:
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure more...

Anthony`s Law of Force: Don`t force it, get a larger hammer.

Anthony`s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.

Baker`s Law: Misery no longer loves company, Nowadays it insists on it. - Columnist Russell Baker

Banacek`s Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.

Barker`s Proof: Proofreading is more effective after publication.

Becker`s Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. - Jules Becker Co. (Becker goes on to claim that his law permeates industry as well as government, "... once a person has been hired inertia sets in, and the employer would rather settle for the current employee`s incompetence and idiosyncrasies than look for a new employee.")

Belle`s Constant: The ratio of time more...

Dumb Hawaii laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Hawaii Crazy Law Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.

Berra`s Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra

Bierman`s Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can`t cover all the "what if`s". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if`s". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if`s".

Billing`s Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings

Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)

Bloom`s Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge`s jokes are always funny.

Blutarsky`s Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not more...

Dumb Idaho laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Idaho Crazy Law Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.

I found the following bit of humor in the March 1995 "Reader's Digest". Do any of you have laws you'd like to add to the list?
THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW
By Richard Johnson
It seems that we have laws for everything but the stuff that can really get on our nerves. For instance, "there oughta be a law" to protect citizens from the airline passenger who maintains his seat in a fully reclined position while an in-flight meal is being served. So I propose that we start passing some much-needed legislation to crack down on the following offenses:
RESISTING A REST: Repeatedly disrupting an entire row of patrons at a theater or sports event by heading for refreshments, frequent rest-room visits and leg-stretching.
EUPHONIOUS ASSAULT: Playing the car radio at ear-splitting volume so the next driver is blasted into the back seat.
LANE SHARKING: Parking over two spaces in a crowded lot so that the adjacent space is rendered useless.
COFFEE-RIGHT more...